We learned the application of woman sacadas, ganchos and calesitas(?) yesterday.
It's has been for a long time that I didn't dance or join the calsses.
I found that I can't trust anyone; I can't give, I can't move smoothly, and I can't wind it around.
Some says that tango is the dance with soul; I guess the things that I can't make is some kind of resistance of my heart.
"You're brave to give even though you always get hurt."
I remember she wrote it in the birthday card for me everytime I feel bad.
I'm always brave, being not afraid of giving or geting hurt, and being strong in my life.
But I have to admit that it is not as true as what I pretend.
I let every terrible things happened on me out of my brain but still keep them in my mind.
I keep everything in my mind, everything bad, everything hurtful and painful; and it reflects on the way I dance.
I can pretend I don't care about it, acting like everything is alright.
But it does shows clearly as I start to dance with music.
I can't give myself to the leader, I can't feel and I can't trust the one I follow.
"Will I fall?"
"What does he want me to do?"
"How should I behave?"
I dance with my brain, without my heart and feeling, tring to find the answer of every questions.
I can't take it easy.
I found what I lose and what I don't have now in this class.
And I told her, on the way to the milonga."that is what tango tells me."
"It's great." she smiled. "You'll be fine."
She describes tango as a way to cure.
You have to understand and to show all the cuts on you first.
Then you'll know and find the way to let go.
"If you overcome and learn how to belive in tango, you'll be stronger."
I'll try, and I know I'll be fine and will be better than before; that is what tango teaches me.
So great that I can learn and I can dance.
